That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize