addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
this will be a night to untag.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
