I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
