is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she told me i tasted like america
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
