U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the condom got lost in my hair
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
