My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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