I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
