eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
