You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
