i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
