My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
