i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
