I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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