If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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