mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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