right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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