Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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