I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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