If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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