Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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