I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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