Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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