he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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