Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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