you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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