If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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