Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
