I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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