You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
