margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
