i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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