remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
