My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
