i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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