Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
