i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
