Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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