you're like a bully in the Christmas story
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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