the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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