similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
