Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
