at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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