Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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