How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
