I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
