i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
