hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
