Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
