This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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