I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Welp...herpes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
