I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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