My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
