I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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