Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
