WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
