sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
