He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize