dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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