You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
