he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Send help, water and tortillas.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
