im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
