Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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