i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
