It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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