is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
