what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
