I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
