You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
