the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize