I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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