woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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