All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's Friday. Sex?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ladies don't puke and tell
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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