Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
