think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize