You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
