Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
