She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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