I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
