So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
