roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
