dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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