Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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