You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
