I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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