Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
