He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
