I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
