All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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