I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He kissed a someone with a penis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
