he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
