there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Couch. On fire.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
