when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
