Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
